August Updates & Fun Visitors

Hi friends!

I'm sorry it's been awhile! There has been a lot going on in my life over the last couple of weeks! If you follow me on Instagram you have an idea... So let's just jump right in!

I have been going through a 'lapse for weeks now and I am no longer weight restored, unfortunately. This has only consisted of restricting, but it has been getting worse and worse, so I'm trying to get it under control before it turns into a complete relapse. I don't want to ever hand my life over to anorexia again! On the bright side, I have reached out for help very quickly and here's where I am with things:

• I already have a therapist here, so I will be seeing her weekly now and I have signed a release for her to speak with the rest of the "team."
• I saw my doctor last week. She had been out for over a month! She has ordered blood work. She is also getting me in to see a specialist for my jaw. I am suffering from a slipped disc on the right side of my jaw as well as TMJ. It is terribly painful at all times and of course it interferes with my desire to eat, which is the last thing I need! It came on completely randomly, but according to the dentist, it's not so random. I survived some severe assaults years ago with major trauma to my face. And the TMJ started a few months after I had some major dental work done, so the dentist said that's basically the perfect storm for something like this. Lucky me.
• I found an amazing dietitian whom I began seeing last week. She's seriously wonderful! I feel very blessed to have found her on my first try, as I'm quite choosy about my providers. We will meet weekly for now as well. She has me using an app called Recovery Record (screenshot below). It's brilliant! The app is linked with her and customized to the plan her and I agreed upon for me. It reminds me of my meals and snacks and I enter them after I eat. I also input my feelings at the time, urges to restrict and how strong they are, as well as a brief journal entry. It may sound daunting but it's actually not very time consuming and it helps me to really be present in what's going on for me at the time. I highly recommend this! And she is able to check in on me whenever she likes. We can also message each other through the app. Maybe some time I'll do an entire post on it!

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  Recovery Record App

• I also had an intake interview/appointment for an eating disorders group that meets weekly for 3 hours and it's 12 weeks long. I have not been accepted into the group yet. The leader would prefer me to be weight restored first, and actually suggested that I enter outpatient treatment and do the group next time around but I don't think I need that level of treatment right now. So she's in the process of consulting with the rest of my providers and will get back to me at the end of the week after my blood work comes back to let me know if I'm in. I'm not feeling too strongly either way at this point. Right now I'm just happy to have found a great dietitian!
• The last piece I feel like I must find as soon as possible is a psychiatrist! I am on antidepressants prescribed by my primary care physician but we both agree that a psychiatrist needs to be following me as well. I have never had so much trouble finding help as I have here in California! NO ONE calls back! It's crazy! I've been calling and calling and emailing to the point of near harassment and I just can't get anyone to contact me! It doesn't make sense! I've been working on this for nearly three months! So that's the treatment update. A lot, right?

As for the fun stuff, I just had the most fun weekend I've had in a very long time! The girl I used to nanny, S, was in town to visit with her mom this weekend! I haven't seen her in about six months. She just turned 5 years old. On Saturday the three of us had a girls' day in the city and it was a blast! We had a "teatime" at this cute little tea place, went shopping, got mani/pedis and went out to dinner. It was just a delightful day! S and I are very close. I was her nanny for 2.5 years, so we really bonded and we have missed each other terribly!

Also, my parents were in wine country for a few days on a mini vacation with friends, so last night my fiancé and I drove up and had dinner with them. Below is a photo of me and my beautiful Mama!

I hope everyone's week is off to a wonderful start! 

What was the highlight of your weekend? 

XO, 

Welcome to Ice Cream & Authenticity!

WELCOME to Ice Cream and Authenticity!!! My name is Dionne. I started this blog after joining the beautiful Instagram community of friends in #REALrecovery Personally, I have been  battling anorexia for over ten years. It has been a long, grueling battle. Some years have been full of life and love and success and some have been darker with relapse and illness. I am in a new chapter of my life as I have recently gotten engaged to the love of my life and subsequently relocated to California (and away from family and friends) for my fiancé's job. I am so happy to be here with him, but it's also a major life transition and it's been quite bumpy recovery-wise. I'm also battling chronic illness, which I'll write about another time. Anyway, with all of these changes I am facing my recovery in new and different ways and I am challenging myself more than ever. I started this blog to keep myself accountable, as I believe that so much of recovery is AUTHENTICITY. You have to be true to yourself and others in order to truly be free of an eating disorder, and I plan to do that! I want to be accountable to me, even if no one at all reads this. And if anyone does read it, perhaps something you read will encourage you! So welcome!

I was going to keep this post very light and short and end there, but I think I will further explain the name. I have been considering starting a blog for weeks now and I knew it would have ice cream in the name. It might sound silly, but ice cream has been significant in the turning point I've reached in recovery recently. I don't like milk. I haven't liked it for as long as I can remember. I've also told people since I was very young that I don't like ice cream. Now, as I recently verified, I truly do not enjoy vanilla ice cream, as it reminds me of the taste of milk, but hand me some chocolate, and it's ON!!! Even since I've been in recovery for years, I have continued to tell people that I don't like ice cream. Why? Because it's always been a fear food, and I hate to admit this. It's shameful, really, but throughout over ten years of recovery and being weight restored for the majority of those years, I have held on to many of those fears and not allowed myself to indulge in them, How is that recovery?? Guess what? In truth, it's NOT. After starting my recovery Instagram account (@aimer_dionne) and reading an amazing blog, I have been challenging myself and my ways of thinking about recovery. It's time for REAL RECOVERY! I tried ice cream a few weeks ago and loved it! Since then I've had several pint parties and as I've posted on Insta, nothing crazy happened to my body- I didn't gain ten pounds overnight or turn into a blimp - sure, I had some bloating, but that's totally normal. So here I am.... Real recovery. No fear foods. No diets. No exercise regimens. No extremes (except I do have some weight restoration to do, so for now no exercise at all and I'm doing Minnie Maud guidelines). It might not be perfect because I'm not perfect. What I am and what I will be is AUTHENTIC. This is me and my authentic, honest, real recovery. 

Goodbye disorder. Goodbye anorexia.

Are there parts of your disorder that you've tried to hold on to in your recovery (i.e. exercise, food stuff, etc)? 

Are you still holding on to them? 

If not, how did you let go?  

XO,